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Archive for the ‘men’ Category

…not my child’s, his action figure’s.

Day Six: Oh, the humanity…

...Twitch: Making Tourette's Cool.

 

The zombler is all boy. 100%.  One of his favorite things is motocross.  Naturally then, he received tons of motocross paraphernalia this past Christmas.  His favorite thing is his Twitch action figure/ motorcycle combo.  If you aren’t familiar with Twitch, he is a motocross rider with a group called Metal Mulisha and is known for 1. Having Tourette’s Syndrome and 2. Being awesome.  Along with his Twitch action figure, Drew also has about 3 or 4 others that he plays with on a regular basis.  I guess in true zombie-like fashion, my child always ends up removing one body part or another from his poor and battered action figures.  Poor Twitch is his most recent favorite, and unfortunately has lost a leg.  It is my job, as mombie, to keep sticking the leg on whenever it falls off.  I would say I do this an average of 6 billion times daily, and Heaven forbid the leg gets lost. 

The other day, during a particularly bitter temper tantrum, zombler thought it would be a wonderful idea to throw his Twitch across the room.  Twitch’s leg flew off (of course) and it took a good 15 minutes to find it and successfully reattach.  As much as I love Twitch and all things motocross, I wish that my child would instead play with my zombie action figures.  So they are violent looking toys, so what? At least when a limb comes off, its natural and doesn’t have to be re attached…

I’m off to the action figure ER,

-Z

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…I’d be Alice from Resident Evil.

Except I cannot remember if she dies or not.  Plus, in my version, Alice would bang Eric Mabius’ character and he would not turn into a monstrous beast. 

Zombies Whilst Homeworking,

– moi

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…and flew it straight into the trash can.  My aim is amazing.

As I sit here typing this, I should be doing approximately 6.5 billion other things, including typing up an essay that is due for my english class this evening.  In typical fashion pertaining to a typical twenty-something female, I am procrastinating and typing nonsense to a computer screen.  My tonsils have decided to launch their bi-monthly attack on my body, and I have taken Ibuprofen in an attempt to calm my penicillin resistant strep infection.  Honestly, you think they’d just remove my tonsils already…but apparently they try to avoid that type of surgery on adults these days when possible.  I respect the doctors’ decisions to prevent my untimely death.  Regardless, the war inside of my throat is contributing to my lack of paper writing.

I had a fairly eventful week this week. Turned the big 2-3.  I’ve never been a party person, so I chose to spend my day bike riding and stuff.  Yeah, I said stuff.  There was one thing, in particular, that I was really looking forward to doing last night  (a day late, my birthday is the 16th) as a form of celebration.  Once again, its one of those things that I can’t particularly describe in too much detail.  Let’s just say that in a parallel universe things might have ended up as I imagined they would.  This, however, is the real world and it ended up as another typical night.  In a way though, I’ve come to appreciate ‘just another night’ as a welcome activity in my all too unconventional life.

I have to say (or write, if you want to get technical) that the reality check of being a single mother and gaining a few lbs since my glory days has brought me down to Earth, particularly lately.  This is unacceptable, considering that I enjoy spacing out in the cosmos of my crazy life. This being brought to my attention, I’ve decided that I am going to ‘un ground’ myself and try to figure out exactly which happy earth-slash-space medium I’d like to be at. 

If you don’t get it, then you’re the crazy one, not me.

Time to go embrace the gorgeousness of freedom of speech.

Stop! Paper Time,

-ZombieGrrrl

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…it’s for your own good, trust me.

I’m very sure that there have been times that someone has wanted to deck me so I’d shut up.  Well, now its your turn.  I like you better with your mouth shut, baby.

Kisses,

Your Local ZombieGrrrl

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…it’s like cotton candy.  You take it in until you throw it up.

Driving home last night after a late visit to the train station, listening to a new CD.  I have this ridiculous tendency to play songs in my car on repeat.  Sometimes I can drive a good hour listening to the same song.  Drives people nuts…you can sue my mother for her hereditary obsessive/compulsive hand-me-downs if you wish. 

Anyways, back to the story.  I was listening to one song over and over when I just started bawling.  I think my hormones are punishing me for skipping off on my birth control this month.  It’s so unwarranted, those little bastards. Regardless, I had this miniature breakdown where I just sat there, driving and bawling in my car.  Reason being is that I am one confused little cookie.  A really delicious and satisfying cookie, but a confused one nonetheless…

How long did it take you to realize its the result of a boy?  What, like, 3 seconds?  Figured as much…you kids aren’t stupid. Doesn’t it always stem back to an XY chromosome somewhere? Ridiculous, the power that men hold over women.  I almost wish I could go into detail, but unfortunately with blogs you don’t always get the open honesty that an author can insert into her personal journal.  You’re going to have to deal with what you get, which is as follows:

-Men are the most confusing creatures on the Earth, unless you try and bring sloths into the picture. What’s with those things, anyway?

-They say that sex crosses a typical male’s mind about once a day, while women have a tendency to pass it by.  False. So False.

– Here’s another one for ya… The average age to get married in America is disputed, but most people agree it’s around age 27.  So tell me, then, why a perfectly responsible young man wouldn’t dare think about marrige?  What’s with ‘hard to get’? Why are boys so into it?

…I could choose the path to self-mutilation and bang my head into the wall, as generations of our womanly ancestors have done every time they come into contact with a man.  I could go on and on and allow this blog post to actually make sense, but that is not how this blog will roll.  Not at all. Instead, I’m going to close with a few decent quotes for all women out there and then go running (while listening to songs on repeat) so I can regroup.

Enjoy,

-me

“What women want:  To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held.  What men want:  Tickets to the World Series” 

-Dave Barry

“Girls who put out are tramps.  Girls who don’t are ladies.  Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn’t put out, do not jump to the conclusions that you have found a lady.  What you have probably found is a lesbian.”

-Fran Lebowitz

“For me, the highest level of sexual excitement is in a monogamous relationship.”

Warren Beatty (Kind of creepy, thinking of Warren Beatty. Eww.)

“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.”

-Lana Turner

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