Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for January, 2011

It’s Alive! Day Seven

…Actually, I hope there is nothing alive in there.

DAY SEVEN: How realistic are these illustrations?

...I've got ninety-nine problems, but a bitch aint one.

Oh, the joyous wonders of my job.  For those of you who read the post about the infectious virus being passed amongst we glorious vet techs, here is another one for you.  Our hospital has been providing the chicago suburbs with quality animal care for years now.  Many, many years.  The majestic building in of which we daily strive to heal sick animals has history etched into its walls.  History is also hidden in the various cabinets and drawers.  Meaning, don’t reach in them if you haven’t had a recent tetanus shot.

Okay, so as usual, I am being slightly dramatic.  However, I’ve been on a cleaning kick this past week, and today I found some gems while organizing a drawer that hasn’t been touched since the 80s.  Among the books about bladder stones and the shiny outdated lab disks, I found a book about dog vaginas.  Because I have the sense of humor of an 8-year-old boy, of course I had to show the twins.  Turns out, this very book was owned by the previous owner of the hospital’s wife.  Its something special because these owners were very nice, I hear, and the husband has since passed away.  So, I saved it for history’s sake and tossed the rest. 

Along with the text describing medical terms about dog vagina slide smears, there are beautifully illustrated pictures of what dog vagina debris looks like, and what stage breeding occurs in as well. 

I don’t know about anyone else, but vagina debris does not sound fun to me, and maybe that is why I will never become a veterinarian.  I saw a vulvaplasty one time and cringed every time the dog sat down afterwards.  However, I had to share the cover of this historical gem with the world.  Please take note of the squiggly vagina illustrations underneath the ever so intriguing title.

Yes, in a day’s work.

-Z

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

…not my child’s, his action figure’s.

Day Six: Oh, the humanity…

...Twitch: Making Tourette's Cool.

 

The zombler is all boy. 100%.  One of his favorite things is motocross.  Naturally then, he received tons of motocross paraphernalia this past Christmas.  His favorite thing is his Twitch action figure/ motorcycle combo.  If you aren’t familiar with Twitch, he is a motocross rider with a group called Metal Mulisha and is known for 1. Having Tourette’s Syndrome and 2. Being awesome.  Along with his Twitch action figure, Drew also has about 3 or 4 others that he plays with on a regular basis.  I guess in true zombie-like fashion, my child always ends up removing one body part or another from his poor and battered action figures.  Poor Twitch is his most recent favorite, and unfortunately has lost a leg.  It is my job, as mombie, to keep sticking the leg on whenever it falls off.  I would say I do this an average of 6 billion times daily, and Heaven forbid the leg gets lost. 

The other day, during a particularly bitter temper tantrum, zombler thought it would be a wonderful idea to throw his Twitch across the room.  Twitch’s leg flew off (of course) and it took a good 15 minutes to find it and successfully reattach.  As much as I love Twitch and all things motocross, I wish that my child would instead play with my zombie action figures.  So they are violent looking toys, so what? At least when a limb comes off, its natural and doesn’t have to be re attached…

I’m off to the action figure ER,

-Z

Read Full Post »

Blood Moon…Day Five

…it looked like it was going to crash into Earth.

DAY FIVE: The moon is giant and ready to fight.

...the frozen moon in all its glory.

 

I have been bad.  I did not post day five’s picture, although I did, in fact, take one.  It is of the moon.  It was so big as I was driving home from the gym that I was practically hypnotized by it.  I have always been in love with the moon.  My entire family has been calling me ‘Lunar’ since I was a toddler…maybe that influenced my love for the thing, who knows?  I recently bought the zombler a giant moon for his new bedroom. It goes through solar phases and is battery operated. I love it.  This photo does not capture the moon in all of its glory, because I could not get a good shot of it from my front yard.  I didn’t dare trek into the back yard for a photo because it was below zero outside and we live in front of woods…I could have been eaten.

Brr,

-Z

Read Full Post »

…although it could use a good washing.

DAY FOUR: Nobody wants to touch my bag.

...I think that's juice on it...?

So I won’t lie.   Today I lagged on the photo taking-ness.  I left my camera at home and did not document the more exciting things that occurred (among them, almost punching everything out of rage and then eating a delicious marathon-friendly salad after work with friends.).  Instead, I have decided to take a photo of ‘Sparticus’ AKA my bag.

I know its ungraceful to carry a ‘bag’ instead of a ‘purse’ or a ‘hand bag’, but that’s me.  As much as I lie to myself and say it, I’m not the most feminine when it comes to fashion.  Also, it’s probably not normal to have a bag that has a name, but I have this tendency to name all of my inanimate objects…the best being my old guitar Leroy (RIP).  Anyways, I created my bag by myself with a good ol’ Sharpie and a steady hand.  It says ‘One Among The Fence’ on it in tribute to my favorite band (Coheed and Cambria. Live it, love it.) and is covered in various diseases and filth.  I know that some of the mess is juice.  I know that some of it is dog blood as well (don’t ask…its work related.).  Everyone has begged me to wash it, but I just kind of put it off.  Yes, its sheer laziness. 

For those of you thinking, “Gee…I wish I had a bag.”…don’t.  They are impractical. They are ugly. You can drop something into one and then never ever see it again because it will sink to the bottom and get eaten. 

I figure if anything, I can always use Sparticus to fend off muggers and rapists when I’m walking in the dark.  One touch from my bag and any prospective attacker will feel their skin melt away from its filth. 

I love my bag,

-Z

Read Full Post »

…or possibly (and more likely) a flu epidemic.

DAY THREE: Everyone is sick and contagious at work.

...Nickellina and I may be the last survivors.

So there has been this super intense illness going around lately, and I’m beginning to get paranoid that I will catch it.  You would think that working at an animal hospital would mean that we would all be safe from everything except worms.  You couldn’t be more wrong.  More often than not, our hospital is a hotbox for germs, mainly because people are so broke that they will come to work regardless of the raging viral infections that are attacking their insides and shooting outside to attack the rest of us.  Basically, we are doomed.

So, day three is a snapshot I took of my beloved friend Nicki, early in the AM, before we were exposed and attacked by the rabid germs of our coworkers.  I hope we make it out alive.  God speed, Nickellina.

 I would like to say that my plant in the background of my photo was turning brown due to germies in the air, but alas, I neglected to water it this week. Don’t worry, I gave it love before I left. It will soon be green once more.

-Z

Read Full Post »

…the Greeks were pretty cool, except for their lack of zombie myths.
 
DAY TWO: Percy Jackson, Stealin’ some Lightening…

...and he's about to get beat up by a chick.

 Okay, call me a bad mother, but the zombler and I like to watch semi violent films before falling asleep at night.  Because he is 3 and loves it, it’s usually Spiderman (1, 2, or 3. Goodness help us when #4 comes along) but tonight we watched ‘Percy Jackson’.  Its only the 7th time I’ve seen this one, so it was refreshing compared to Peter Parker and his ridiculous thighs of steel.  I’ve got to say, for a tween movie, Percy and crew are fun to watch.  I’m glad someone finally made a movie with a modern twist that is based on greek mythology.  Hmmm…to sum it up, if you watch it you get to see Uma Thurman’s head cut off (who doesn’t want to see that? Kidding.), half-naked beefy guys, and really sweet cheesy movie effects.  I guess I’m not really making it sound appealing, but if you get bored it’s not a bad choice of rental.  Oh, and Percy Jackson is shmexy. I almost feel like a complete creeper, but that Percy Jackson actor is pretty hot. Either way, today was a snowed-in day, so there aren’t any eventful pictures to share.

I think I’m in love with Billy Corgan,

-Z

Read Full Post »

Difference…

…between you and me.

As I sat here pondering to myself in my own little world, I came to the realization that if I were as perfect as a porcelain doll, I wouldn’t need anyone but myself.  And, I would live in a cottage and make tea and do things like walk through the woods.

and this is what you think is weird, and this is the difference between you and me.

and…scene.

-au revoir

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »